Things We Learned In: The Eastern Block

• Don't rely on the inter-city train system in Poland - the trains are always late and if changes are made over the P.A you are only notified in Polish by someone who has their mouth much too cloose to the microphone. Take the bus - even the train station ticketing attendants will tell you to do so when you complain.
• You can find some of the cheapest and most accomodating hostels in Eastern Europe. So far, the Art Deco Hostel in Krakow was the best hostel we've ever stayed in. Possibly better than most hotels. Squeaky clean, free breakfast that included a sandwich for lunch, one free load of laundry, free internet and Wifi, a large common room that is nicer than my own living room complete with a TV, Dvds, a gaming system and a book shelf where you can swap your own books for something better you find there, and the best part - saloon inspired rooms. The only thing you will need is soap and a towel, they aren't provided in any of the washrooms. We paid 16 euros each.
• Validate your metro cards. The Ticketing Police will fine you for not franking your card in the Czech Republic, Poland and Austria. Be careful of the smaller stations where travellers aren't in abundance. These are typically where they prey.
• Do not exchange your money in train stations. Go to the city centre and look for a Kantor. These places will give you the four Polish Zloty for your one Euro and won't rip you off.
• All public noise is forbidden by law in Prague. This includes singing, or any excessive noise. Bars can call the police on you if you are deemed "too noisey".
• There are people that walk around Prague calling themselves "Currency Inspectors". They will show you their "ID" cards, and ask to inpect your money. These people are scammers so you are fully encouraged to tell them to F--- Off.
• In Poland you can be arrested for being over the drinking limit on a bike. If caught you will pay a fine of several hundred Euros, be imprisioned until you do pay and then you will also loose your driving license for a minimum of one year.
• The best places to get hearty, no frills Polish food for super cheap are called (bar mleczny) or Milk Bars. They are communist holdovers and are much more of a cultural experience than anything else. The babooshka scoooping your mash doesn't speak English and neither does her menu. Expect to eat standing up. 10 pierogies you an find works out to about $1.50, Canadian.
• There is NO tourist pampering in Poland and the Czech Republic outside of a good hostel.
• Try a langos. It's like a pizza, but the crust is a puff pastry that is topped with ketchup, garlic and parmesan.
• If you're thinking of moving to Prague and becoming a waitress, it shant be easy. The waitresses in pubs use what looks to be the first computer ever made and type in all orders. It's no surprise they never smile.
• Two of the best look out points in Prague can be had for free. Vyšehrad is a church that was built in the 10th century on a hill over the Vltava River. The Prague Castle is the largest coherent castle complex in the world. Both offering breathtaking panoramic views of the city.
• Auschwitz is the German name given to the place in Poland called Oschwim to make it sound more Germanized during Nazi occupation.
• The sign at the entrance to Auschwitz that reads: "Work for Freedom" is not the original sign. It was stolen in 2009 and found in peices in a forest in Northern Poland.
• Canada 1 and 2 were the names given by the residents of Auschwitz Berkenau to the houses where all the memorobila was taken from the concentration camp victims. Working at one of these two houses was seen as the best job to have in Berkenau, a wonderful place where people wanted to go, and was thus crowned, Canada.
• An Auschwitz tour guide took a German group out one day and had a guidee recognize his father in a photo of a selection on display. His father was one of the Nazi guards who selected who would stay and work or go to the gas chambers.
• Shizercommando - the name given to the person who cleaned the latrines at Birkenau. It was considered one of the best jobs to have because you had all the time you wanted to clean yourself. Dysentery was one of the leading causes for illness and death in Auschwitz.
• Burger King is the most reliable source of Wifi in the Eastern Block. McDonald's may be, but we've quit going there for one year. 10 months and counting.

Lost in Prague

Slovakian Christina, you are a saint. I thank you a million times over and can only wish you all the happiness in the world for your kind gesture. You saved my life.

Rule Number 4 - A metro ticket is not valid unless you have it franked in the yellow box at the entrance to metro or on board by tram or you will face a costly tourist fine.

On our last night in Prague we visited a local Irish Pub to catch some good ol' American football. On the wall in Rocky O'Rielly's Irish house was a list of the Rocky's 10 Commandments. A list that is detrimental to making or breaking your trip to Prague, a list that I wish we had come upon before making it to the Czech Republic.

Hopping of the train to Prague, I thought we'd made it to the main station (it started with an S, but so did the one in Milan or was that Verona? - either way, I was obviously confused and shouldn't have left the train). Morgan, being the nice guy, stopped to answer an older man's question about whether this was indeed the main stop (information I should have hung around for too). The last thing I remember is seeing the train roll away with Morgan still on it and I was standing alone on the wrong platform.

Where would his train stop? Do I wait here? Do I get on another train? Do I ask someone for help? Many bad and terrible swear words later, I decided to do as I was taught, stay where I was, or at least I would until the clock read 3:30pm. Then I would make my way to the hostel hoping that Morgan would be doing the same. I had the instructions to the hostel, 20 Euros in my wallet and both of our passports. Maybe Morgan was already back on another train back to the station I was at, but even if he was, I wasn't able to see him get out because of all the massive trains blocking my view. I left the station praying I had made the right decision.

I made my way down to the tickeing booth and bought a ticket from a lemon of a woman who charged me a 26 koruny ticket good for only 75 minutes and pointed me in the direction of the Metro. No words were exchanged from her, she was a Czech robot or just didn't want to help me. I'm sticking with choice A. (We can skip over the part where I fell over sideways from the weight of my 60 litre backpack still strapped to me while getting my wallet. Not knowing that I was halfway across the city and would have to transfer trains, I looked for line C, but only saw options A and B. I asked a young woman, who looked less robotic and more likely to offer help, if she spoke English. Success. I showed her my directions and she told me I'd have to take the B Line and transfer to another train. She was heading in the same direction so we caught the metro together. Still shaking from the stress, I held back tears of fear the entire ride while having to manoeuvre my way in and out of the subway doors to accommodate glaring passengers in the packed cabin.

Six stops later, we leave the jam packed subway car. Still not knowing her name, we head for the escalators to catch our next train. I mention that I haven't stamped my ticket and wonder if I have to. I had seen little boxes around, but no one was using them so I had followed suit. She insists that I need to do this so we are about to find a box when I am confronted by The Ticket Jerk (an elderly man with coke bottle glasses and a large calculating devine slung over one shoulder). It was weird because he came at me with such skill and calculated purpose, pun intended, that it was as if he'd spotted my from miles away like a skilled Serengeti hyena and had come in for the kill. He grunted something in Czech to me. The young woman translated telling me that he wanted to see my ticket. I showed him and he grunted again about no stamp and demanded my passport. He then demanded 700 dollars (Czech dollars). Now I'm no mathematician, but in my Canadian mind, that accounted to way too much money and would pretty much dry me right out of my funds for Europe. I tried to explain that I had paid for the ticket but I am a tourist and didn't see the boxes. But he The Ticketing Jerk wasn't having any of it. He then bumped it up to 7000 dollars and muttered something about the police station. I began to panic. I couldn't see straight and thought I might pass out right there in the station. The young woman who was still with me, spoke to him in Czech, but he wasn't going to budge. He was out to get me.

I stood there and told him I had no money, opening my wallet and showing him my 20 measly euros. He laughed and said go to the ATM. It was probably either very smart or stupid of me, but I choice to deny that request. I simply stood there and said "NO!" fully forseeing myself sitting in a Prague jail cell while Morgan would be searching the streets for me. Again he repeats the order of my punishment: ticket, 7000 dollars, police station. Showing him again my crinkled 20 euros, he then demands 30, obviously an amount I didn't have. I stood there shaking my head and remember saying okay lets go to the station then. It was such a blur because the transaction happened too quickly, but I recall the young woman opening her purse, pulling out her wallet, and handing me 10 euros. I added it to my 20 and was given back my passport and a 700 koruny fine that I have kept has a souvenir.

Lost for words at her act of kindness to a stanger tourist, and having no cash on me to repay her, I stuck out my trembling hand and officially met Christina from Slovakia.

I found my way to the hostel and Morgan turned up a couple hours later. He had done exactly what I thought he might do, caught a 3:15pm train back to the station I had disembarked at, but couldn't see me past all the trains on the platform. He then spent the next hour searching the main station thinking I may have realized I was at the wrong station and trained there. Finally he checked his Facebook and saw my messages of dismay telling him I was at the hostel and that if he were to use the Metro, to make aure he validated his ticket.

Side note - 700 CZK koruny is roughly 29 euros (40 Canadian). The validation boxes are yellow, roughly the size of a tissue box and are not always at the point of entry to the Metro; they are more likely to be randomly placed off the side.

The Limey